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The Kaleidoscope

So , again. I was sitting at my desk.

Or on my chair, for I don’t know where!

Maybe Bahamas.

Or Arizona. Heck, Marine Trench it was!

And then, out of nowhere, I realized I was holding a book called Investment Analysis and Portfolio Module. Huh, I had an exam the next day. And a few mails to reply to client before my manager jumps out of his self imposed exile!

And the page on my laptop screen was saying she is still alive. That is reassuring. Or is it? Is being alive sometimes more cruel than being dead. Oh, most of the time, it is.

‘What about the Revenue Impact Report that was supposed to be put in today?’ Manish asked. And I remembered I had to type out a few hundred completely useless words. And then pretend it is going to impact lives of a few thousand children in some remote village of South Africa. Oh, I just remember, we are poorer that Sub-Sahara Africa. Even Bangladesh.

And Suddenly Chetan Says, ‘Dude. I bought a new Samsung Galaxy Note II, It’s not that good’. So, there went the food for 60 families of Delhi who were supposed to have enough food to for their family. Of Five.

And then I realized its 5 PM IST. Or 11:30 AM GMT. A client call at 2 PM GMT. They are supposed to move to the latest release that we had last week and that was important. For that would save them  70 Million pounds every year.

‘Honey Buney….’ Rang Nishant’s Phone.”Hi Baby” And he was out of the room.

And then again, my exam the next day.

The T20 that India won. Finally a win.

And the Intestine. That was still an intestine. At least till 9 PM, 16^th of Dec.

How  many of these  matter? Or do they really?

And yeah, my appraisal meeting.

.......

We have Failed. Again.

And we have failed.

Again.

As a Society (Can we call ourselves a society is a bigger question though!).

As a State. A Country.

As a human Group.

I feel disgusted.

Angered.

Frustrated.

And  above all, hopeless.

We live in a society(I don’t have any other word right now), where we personify women as sexual objects and still have a heart attack if the word is mentioned on dinner table. We go to brothels and think porn is bad. We teach our kids to be honest and then can them for talking about desires. We  think we are the greatest civilizations on the earth, without any reason and we teach our kids to think whatever they do is right and then blame them for stating an obvious fact. We teach stories about Krishna and Radha and then kill them in the name of honor. We live in a society where we justify Rape and condemn sexual education.

Delhi Rape Case and a family shattered. And the inaction of our elected govt., state machinery, vigilant groups. And More than anything else, OUR inaction, our sterility to deliver justice and our reluctance to fight for US. All this saddens me. Angers me. And blows away whatever little faith I have in this country.

The worst part in this whole episode is that we are still blaming our sisters and mothers and girlfriends and wives instead of thinking a solution to the whole shame. Lambasting them for the way they dress and for the way they walk shows the hollowness we have developed and more than that, the haughtiness and a sense of air we have in that. We are trying to blame a Bihar now. Earlier it was Haryana. And Delhi. And ABC. The Equation is same. We are changing the variables, not realizing we, ourselves are part of this whole scheme and we are promoting this. Some people will say Chowmein, some late night party. I say, who are you to decide what WE should do? Who gave you that right? And who gave US a obligation not to prosecute you? Or Rape you.

An eye for half an eye is the need. And I demand that. We need that.

We need to remind those predators out there that they will not be tolerated. That they are not fit and not allowed to  live in whatever fragments of society we have left and then, we can think of something else.

Maybe FDI.

Maybe India-Pakistan Cricket Match.

And for that to happen, we need to teach ourselves  and our brothers and our dads and our uncles that a woman is what we are. And much more. She needs respect. And more than us, deserves it. And we need to change the way we are fundamentally wired.

We need to instill in us what is called Values, Integrity and Compassion. And we need to change the way we perceive ourselves.

We need to be brave.

We need to be decisive.

We need to Rape those who even think of it.

And more than everything else, we need to ACT.

Society. Hypocrites.

We Indians are hypocrites to say the least. And dare I say that, WE love being what we are not and we hate what we preach . Last night, staring outside my apartment, all I could think was one word.

Denial.

This is what we all live in. We love to deny, even just for the sake of it. And this is where hypocrisy begins.

Have you ever felt, growing up that you were not allowed to do  the very things that were taught to you? The holy grail of honesty on which we must have spent a thousand pages each while growing up, goes into a toss when the very parents and teachers tell you ‘Its life. You have to learn to live the way it is!’.Ouch, wasn't that supposed to be something much simpler? When the lessons on Selflessness disappear the moment you have to step out of your house, ‘Beta, you have to be selfish to grow. Don’t share everything with everyone’ ,Just when you thought the great moment of sharing had begun! The lessons taught on everything except money just doesn't add up when you realize that you don’t even know how to open a bank account while kids in States are getting their hands dirty on Nasdaq. And when the realization creeps in that MONEY is everything. Well, almost everything. So what if It can’t buy happiness? At least it can buy things that make you happy! And then you curse everyone for teaching you all the useless stuff, while you could have done a simple course on Money management! All those lessons on modesty, where does it go when your own parents spend a fortune on your sister’s wedding and then, crib the rest of the life, how much it cost them! When they tell you that we love you beta more than anything and that the western culture is bullshit and they (People in the west) have no idea of a family. Now, when the moment to show love comes, when the greatest step in life is being taken by you, of choosing your partner, the very same parents will threaten you saying, ‘ we have done so much for you and you do this! We will choose your spouse, for, it’s the price you have to pay for what we have done for you’ and  you thought that love was what it was, till the Payback time! Talk of double standards! Or tell us this definition a bit early! When all the talks of responsibility goes into gutter and you are left wondering, ‘What the Fuck!’ And then the only thought that is there is ’Why couldn't they tell us all these while we were growing up!! Things could have been much simpler and easier.’ And this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg!

And if you thought that I have something against parents, you are wrong! But then, we were never taught to think big or different! No surprises there! I have something against everyone, and that everyone is called society. To say that I am not a social person will be an understatement of the same degree to which I am talking. And in that one, I hate the word respect. ‘Beta, Money is not everything, Respect is.’ Alas, what they forgot to mention was the fact that they are one and the same. Money  brings respect and those who say that respect is what they live for, either have both of it or none of it! Period. There’s no exception to this one. And then, Sex. Oopsey, I forgot, we never heard that word. Forget it, When was the last time we saw our parents hug. I didn't say kiss, for you know why. And then we are told we know the meaning of love, not THEY.  Society told us that we just know what love is. The only thing, they forgot to mention, WHAT exactly it is! They thought we would know. And they thought  we would agree that they are right.

HOW COME?

And WHY?

The only thing that I get from this is we are not meant to have our own opinions! But we were never taught or allowed to have one, right? But more on this one later on. Let’s get back to SEX. Or did it even start? Fine, the world’s most talked about topic, most thought about, most planned about and the most fantasized about is never talked about at all! Imagine the plight of a teenager having CAUGHT having a condom in his/her pocket! And imagine her to be a girl! Or say, an I-Pill! The whole world will try to hang her! And then think of the same girl, having been never CAUGHT in the act, but, on a bed, being treated for AIDS! And  the whole society, again reprimanding her of the shame she has bought the family, including her own mother! This is what we call love! And we say we value our family more than them! We have never seen love in our family, yet we claim to love the way no one ever could. And to talk about sex, which is, of not more, as much important as money (AGAIN!) is what is never done. That’s what we need to know, for even if we accept that pre-marital and other stuff is wrong(I don’t), it’s better to know it’s wrong than not knowing what the hoopla is all about and, as with every other thing, the thing we are not supposed to do, WE DO. 

Isn’t that enough of a cue?

Denial!

We were taught that attitude is bad. And yet, when we come to know the greatest success stories, stories of those whom we were taught to emulate are some of the cockiest person the world has ever seen! The irony! Having opinion, we have learnt is the single most important factor in surviving and yet, I don’t remember a single time when we were encouraged to have our opinion! Leave that, we were not allowed to have an opinion on the job we choose to the partner we choose! We were always denied what we thought to be the best for us. And from there, we learnt to disagree, to deny everything that comes our way. For, this is what all we have learnt. And from this we have started a vicious cycle.

Indecision.

Meekness.

Double Standards.

Hypocrisy!

And yet, we  say we are the best! That Indian Culture is the best! And every time we have to give an excuse, it’s the same. Indian Culture is superior to the best. Is it so?

Part 2. Coming ..